| My results for the iPod shuffle Game of Life:
In case you wanna play, here are the steps:
1. Open your library or plug in your device
2. Set it to shuffle, and for each song, apply each category
3. Don't skip one cause you disagree!
1. OPENING CREDITS: "Kung Fu Fighting" by Sutton9. A Male accapella group at my high school haha
2. WAKING UP: "Creep" by Radiohead hahah that's not to uplifting for the morning
3. FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL: "Vegas" Stephen Kellogg.....holllla
4. FALLING IN LOVE: "Flagmaker, 1775" - Songs for a New World........hum....maybe not?
5. FIGHT SONG: "Ladies...Tea?" - First Lady Suites
6. BREAKING UP: "Don't Panic" - Coldplay.....makes sense
7. LIFE: "Act 1: The Rescue, Daybreak" - Fllyod Collins
8. MENTAL BREAKDOWN: "My Man's Gone Now" - Porgy and Bess hahahahahah wow.
9. DRIVING: "How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You" - James Taylor...totally appropriate
10. FLASHBACK: "No More" Into the Woods
11. GETTING BACK TOGETHER: "The Beauty of Who You Are" - Marc Broussard.....YES. DUH. WOW.
12. WEDDING: "Milwaukee Song" - Stephen Kellogg.....oh my god. Kill me. This is perfect. (but it's alright, cause we've got each other)
13. BIRTH OF A CHILD: "Seize The Day" - Newsies haha
14. FINAL BATTLE: "Kill the Messenger" - Jacks Mannequin
15. DEATH SCENE: "The Luckiest" - Ben Folds.....uhm.....seriously?.....SERIOUSLY??
16. FUNERAL SONG: "And the World Turned" - The Gabe Dixon Band (pretty perfect) | comments: Leave a comment   |
| i have refound my impossible
i just wish it was possible
more to come | | comments: Leave a comment |
| So, for the past weeks, I had been planning on going to New York the week after finals.
I decided tonight that I hate how I feel in New York City and I don't know why I would put myself through that stress when I'm already going pretty crazy.
So, I will not be on a bus to New York City on Thursday afternoon.
Instead, I will be on a train home to Virginia. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| with one specific situation/topic in my life, i need to figure out what it is i really want. . .
then completely give up on it. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| my way of having a good time with my best friend val who i haven't seen since august. . .
going to the library. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| you think something is gone.
then it comes back.
and then you say.........oh shit, not again. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| "i guess you don't need it
i guess you don't want me to repeat it
but everything i have to give
i'll give to you."
wow. that one sure hits the spot, eh? | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| my hands are dry.
my toes are cold.
my lids are closing.
my heart is drooping.
my soul is longing.
my ears are available.
my brain is underworked.
my confidence is lagging.
my security is vanishing.
my questions are unanswered.
my being is undefined. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| somebody saved me, i was a fool for far to long
but i learned lately to live the good life before it's gone
i'll mix some right with a bit of wrong
i broke down, baby, i hit the ground so many times,
till i was carried, i've relearned to walk but now i fly
i dig the music but need the rhyme
cause i know the perfect life cannot be found
and i'm so thankful i found that out now
so i'll go smiling in battle and singing loud
i went the wrong way but somebody stopped me in my tracks
explained the replay - i could journey on or journey back
mistaking mystery for fact
yeah i've played the same game so many times but never learned
to play the right way, instead i'm reckless with no concern
play with fire expect the burn. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| raise your hand if you can't get through singing "i'm not afraid of anything" without crying.
hand raises. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| i leave on tuesday to start my senior year of college. this might be the last time i ever leave virginia for school. it's not my freshman year where i am unsure of what to expect and yet, now, i have never been more scared in my life.
i can't sleep. i can't think straight. i can't eat. i can't keep up a solid conversation.
i am moving from my home in virginia, full of people i love and call my family to another home in philadelphia, full of people i love and also call my family.
so why can't i stop these negative thoughts running through my mind?
maybe it's because i know what is expected of me and i'm not sure if i will be able to deliver.
i want so badly to be held but, i don't think that i could bare the idea of someone touching me.
don't let this world determine how far you will go,
oh precious girl, this life was meant for you to grow. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Breathing.
Everything in life can be made easier just by breathing correctly. I have always heard that little tid-bit but now I have proven to myself that it is true. This afternoon after I had finished my Tae-Bo (don't laugh at me) workout tape, I picked up the remotes to the TV to start channel surfing in hopes of finding something entertaining. I looked at the remote in my clammy hand and all of a sudden my thumb was doing something unknown. It pressed of power button!
Silence.
I was now in silence, staring at a black TV screen. I turned around to look at the tred-mill and it suddenly felt completely different, more encouraging and eager to have me pound my feet into its back.
I turned the tred-mill on and set the speed to 5.5, .5 mph faster than i normally do.
I started running, running, running. Then I did something I have never really done before. I started listening to my breathing patterns and tried to improve them. My breaths started to become in rhythm with the sound the tred-mill makes and the thumps of my feet on the rubber track. I was rocking this fucking tred-mill. I began staring at the white wall in front of me and soon enough, I was caught in a complete rhythm and pattern. It was amazing. For the first time IN MY LIFE I was enjoying myself running because I felt like I was really achieving something and that it wasn't that difficult. As pathetic as this is, I started breathing like Patty (voice teacher) had taught me and things became so easy. 10 minutes flew by, 2 miles flew by next, 30 minutes next, finally I was at 45 minutes. It was all so simple and effortless.
Who knew that just because I paid attention to my breathing that I would become a fan of running?
In this silence (minus the whole breathing noise) I really got a chance to reflect on my day and my thoughts. I'm so used to putting a TV on when I run and only channeling in on what's going on, on the screen but this was completely different. I left the tred-mill feeling proud of myself for a great work out and almost as though I had just left a therapy session. ha
So here is to breathing correctly, exercising in silence and feeling better about yourself.
ps. I guess I should try yoga or something, eh? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i have a feeling that i will be listening to lots of billy joel this summer.
i think its time for a billy joel summer anyway.
ps. billy joel - shea stadium - july 18 with the linden family.
random new favorites-
1. scenes from an italian restaurant (which i used to hate but then i realized you have to listen to the whole song)
2. you're my home (if you dont have it, dl it)
3. allentown
4. say goodbye to hollywood
5. blonde over blue
i know this is a boring entry but i have no one else to talk to about it so...i'll talk to myself? ha | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| a few days ago i was walking with Anya and after one of my many stories she said
"you're happy, aren't you? you're really doing well right now."
it's true. i am surrounded by beautiful people who impact my life strongly and positively. i am very lucky right now. it's a stressful life and it's going to be a shitty week but i'll be okay. i am now on my own in my house.
my dennis is leaving in 12 hours.
it's hard to say goodbye to one of the most beautiful people you've ever met.
i know i wrote my 2nd to last entry about him but he is a huge part of my life and now he is going to be gone. junior year was amazing, because of him. i love my house. i love my room. i love my friends. i love my time here. i love my dennis. it's just very hard to try to imagine my life being so happy and perfect without him.
and now i cry myself to sleep.
i just hate knowing that the one person i wake up with a smile on my face, just because i am going to be around him won't be here anymore mornings.
don't go. okay? promise. just stay here. sleep in the nook in my room.
i'll take care of you and feed you and do your laundry and bring you gifts.
you'll never leave my side. you will always be around to make me smile.
you will hold my hand. you will walk with me everywhere. we'll go to parties together and when we walk in together i will feel so special for being by your side. you will play with my hair forever. and call me pooper and love me and laugh at my stupid jokes that no one else laughs at.
oh, you gotta go? oh. okay. well, i love you.
you've made me a happier person. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| with the anticipation of 21, i knew that one of my goals of turning 21 was to fucking belt the shit out of "Don't Stop Believing" at the karaoke bar that dennis used to go to every wednesday night. He stopped going recently because he has 8:30 thursday classes but alex keiper and i talked him into it :) :)
i did it. it was so much fun and i am going to drag people to karaoke every week now. ha
highlights of my day (not in order of importance, but how they occurred)
1. having an amazing last day of viewpoints where everyone was so good, connected and passionate about the work they were doing
2. bill buddendorf hug / his nerdy outfit
3. my bitchy boss from the walnut telling me that my outfit was very cute
4. my favorite student, Ade, at Waring got his rotten tooth pulled
**side story, refer below for more information
5. getting drunk with hawn (john tracey) at 6:30....i've never been drunk with it still being light outside. it was brilliant slash drunk naps are amazing
6. michael linden's fierce outfit that he picked out all by himself and when i complimented him on it he said "well, i knew that i would have my picture taken cause it was the last day of meisner, so i actually tried"
7. alex keiper
8. karaoke with kate, ben, brian, alex and dennis
9. singing in front of people and being proud (during the high note at the end, i literally thought to myself "thanks patty")
**i don't know if i've ever written about this or spoken about it but on wednesdays, as part of my internship with the walnut i go to Waring Elementary School in west Philadelphia to teach underprivileged children theatre. some of them are from homeless shelters, poverty stricken families, can't even pay for lunch, etc. they have terrible manners. literally, terrible. working in virginia is a DREAM compared to teaching this kids. but they are totally worth it cause they like acting slash some of them are really cute. we're putting on a production of "OZ" in a few weeks and its going to be a train wreck but fun for us. ha
My favorite kid is Ade. He is 8 and I love him. when i am sitting in the classroom waiting for class to start and the door opens, i always hope its going to be him because he will walk in the class room, spot me, come sit down next to me, hug me sometimes and then just start talking. he is the youngest kid in the group but boy does he know how to boss people around. i sass the SHIT out of him when he gives me crap about not wanting to memorize lines but it's fun cause in the end he always gets his stuff memorized.
Last week he was sitting next to me with his head on my shoulder as he often does and i go "ADE! your breaths smells FUNNNNNNNNNNNNKY." and he goes "i know. its cause one of my teeth is rotten and I can't get it pulled" i asked why and he replied "cause my mama said i could pick to have dinner for a week or get my tooth pulled and so i picked dinner." real. life. situation.
i don't know how his mom got money for it to get pulled, but Ade got his tooth pulled so life is better.
i am tipsy. tired. stressed. and going to bed.
side note -
I HATE BEING IGNORED
another side note -
DENNIS LEAVES IN FOUR DAYS | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| some pretty swell things happened tonight.
1. michael eric and i had a terribly beautiful moment and conversation. it's nice to have a 5th family member.
2. bradley randomly said-
"hey elana, did you know that you're a fantastic friend?"
3. dennis and i had a bonding two hour conversation. i love him. we just understand each other so well. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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